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The Ninja Weatherman’s Forecast

In Health, Humor, News, Satire, Science/Technology, Tidbits, Travel, Weather on October 23, 2010 at 15:20

 Welcome to The Ninja Weather Center!  We have been working tirelessly, pouring over maps and satellite imagery and doppler this and doppler that, all so that we can let you know what’s happening…out there…

Here is the latest from some random spots around America…

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON

Saturday will be partly crappy with a chance of decent in the afternoon.  Sunday and Monday will be crappier than usual heading into Tuesday when the crappiness is likely to continue for most of the day.  On Wednesday we’ll have a steady dose of mediocre and by the end of the work week we should see things return to seasonal levels with a Thursday and Friday that are depressing at best.

DENTON COUNTY, TEXAS

SEVERE WEATHER WARNING:  Residents of Denton County can expect lots of red weather today as a vicious storm front moves through the area.  Purple weather should develop later in the afternoon mixed with short periods of green weather.  If you live anywhere near Corinth you might want to think about using that fallout shelter your family built after the Cuban Missile Crisis because there is probably an F5 tornado heading your way.  Chance of The Apocalypse – 50%

The State of Florida

The Earth has decided to steam clean Florida today after viewing the latest episode of The Jersey Shore on MTV.  Residents can expect constant bouts of wheezing, diaphoresis, and a general difficulty moving around.  NOAA officials also warn that anybody with a history of COPD or Congestive Heart Failure should smoke their cigarettes indoors today as smoking in such high humidity could lead to severe dyspnea or cardiac arrest.