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Archive for the ‘Occupational Irony Department’ Category

PHOTO: Press Secretary Robert Gibbs Inadvertently Admonishes Indian Official for Not Fixing His Laptop

In Barack Obama, Democrats, Humor, In The News, News, Occupational Irony Department, Political Satire, Politics, Republicans, Satire, Travel on November 18, 2010 at 20:20

WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the last couple of weeks the White House has been scrambling to explain away the photos taken of Press Secretary Robert Gibbs berating an Indian official during the President’s visit to the country on November 8th.  After much speculation, Gibbs took to the podium and told the White House Press Corps that he mistook the man to be a member of the technical support team travelling with the President and was upset that a “significant software problem” had yet to be solved.

Of course, the man was not a part of the White House technical support team.  He was a member of the Indian Prime Minister’s security team assigned to ensure the safety of both the Prime Minister and President Obama during their closed-door meeting.  Gibbs reportedly told the man, “look, I’ve been dealing with you people all God damn day…I want the system fixed, and I want it fixed NOW.” 

During his statement to the press, Gibbs apologized for the outburst although his apology was not without excuses.  “As the President’s Press Secretary I’m responsible for handling all matters concerning the media.  Now, I know, that I don’t have to tell all of you how difficult it is to communicate  with the media from overseas when your laptop won’t turn on (laughter).  That being said, I am truly sorry for my outburst and for mistaking that gentleman to be an IT specialist.  I am undoubtedly appreciative for his efforts in maintaining a safe environment during our visit.”

Ninja Satire was given an 800 number at which to reach the Indian official in question only to be disconnected over a dozen times after the voice recognition system kept confusing “Office of the Prime Minister” with “Orifice of the Prime Minister.”


REPORT: Local Dentist has Bad Breath

In Family, Health, Humor, Life, News, Occupational Irony Department, Satire, Tidbits on November 11, 2010 at 14:18

GREEN BAY, WI — Dr. Peter O’Reilly has been practicing dentistry for more than thirty years and has long been regarded as one of the top dentists in Eastern Wisconsin.  However, in a new survey, 4 out of 5 of his patients agree; Dr. O’Reilly has bad breath caused by gingivitis.

“It’s hands down one of the nastiest things I’ve ever smelled,” said one patient, “he thought I was cringing because of the drill…I’ll tell ya…I’d rather have a tooth pulled than suffer through another minute of that sh*t.”  To make matters worse, apparently Dr. O’Reilly is one of those dentists who likes to tell stories…long stories.  A patient who wishes to be called “Luke” told Ninja Satire that he once had to listen to a 30 minute story about a fishing trip during a routine cleaning.  “You’d think that surgical mask he wears would deflect or absorb some of it…but it doesn’t.  You can smell everything…you can smell absolutely everything.”  

Ninja Satire attempted to reach Dr. O’Reilly for comment but was told by his staff that he had stepped out of the office.  However, an eyewitness told one of our reporters that he spotted Dr. O’Reilly standing in line at a local convenience store holding a bottle of Listerine in one hand and a container of chlorine bleach in the other.

Trauma Surgeon Loses Game of Operation to Nine Year Old

In Culture, Entertainment, Family, Games, Health, Humor, Life, News, Occupational Irony Department, Pop Culture, Satire, Tidbits on November 10, 2010 at 20:03

BOSTON, MA — Dr. David Rothstein, a vascular surgeon at Massachusetts General Hospital, shocked friends and colleagues recently when he was beaten by fourth grader Lindsay Wilcox in the classic kids’ game Operation.  Dr. Rothstein and his wife Patricia were attending a dinner party when the young girl challenged the good doctor to a friendly game, a game that ended in total embarrassment for the Harvard Medical School Graduate. 

“Towards the end of the game I was able to grab the wish bone without the guy’s nose lighting up,” said Dr. Rothstein, “that gave me the $300 I needed to get back in the game.”  Rothstein was leading and only needed to snag the infamous bread basket to put the game out of reach.  However, after dozens of failed attempts, his pint-sized opponent was able to grab all the remaining pieces, including the bread basket on her very first try.

The girl’s mother, Julie Wilcox, could not believe what she just witnessed.  “The room fell silent…I mean, how embarrassing to lose in front of all those other doctors.  It’s like a child beating a real estate agent in a game of Monopoly,” said the mother.  Another guest, Dr. James Williams, had a similar view, saying, “do you think in a million years a Boston Police Detective would lose a game of Clue to some kid?”

The head of the Trauma Center at Mass. General, Dr. William Osterman, told Ninja Satire that he’s not particularly impressed by Dr. Rothstein’s performance.  “I’m afraid he might not be the surgeon I thought he was,” said Dr. Osterman, “seriously…all you have to do is grab a view pieces of plastic with a pair of tweezers without the buzzer going off…shouldn’t be too difficult.”  When asked if Dr. Rothstein would lose his job over the incident, Dr. Osterman said, “I’m going to assume he had too much wine with dinner…but you can bet your bottom dollar he’ll be operating under fairly intense scrutiny for the next few months.”