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Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

’70s Folk/Rock Band Blames Bush Administration for Horrendous International Record Sales

In Business, Culture, Democrats, Entertainment, Humor, Music, News, Political Satire, Politics, Pop Culture, Republicans, Satire, The President Bush Indirectly Ruined My Life Office, Travel on November 16, 2010 at 20:14

PERTH, AUSTRALIA — When Gerry Beckley, Dewey Bunnell, and Dan Peek decided to call their band America, they had no idea the sorts of emotions the word would eventually stir up in other parts of the world, never imagining that anti-American sentiments would affect record sales in any way.  However, founding member Gerry Beckley tells Ninja Satire that record sales abroad have hit an all time low, and as far as he is concerned, it’s all President Bush’s fault.

Beckley says that the group first noticed a dip in international record sales shortly after the start of the Iraq War in March of 2003.  “It was pretty immediate…the effect on our record sales that is,” said Beckley, who spoke to Ninja Satire from Australia where the band had just wrapped up their 40th anniversary tour.  “Suddenly people from around the world wanted nothing to do with anything American, including us…apparently.  The real kick in the balls is that the three of us spent a lot of time overseas in England.  Our fathers were in the American Air Force and our mothers were British.”

The 58-year-old songwriter, who was born in Ft. Worth, Texas, says he has no doubts about who is ultimately responsible for the lousy record sales.  “President Bush…” said Beckley, “…it’s all Bush’s fault.  The son of a bitch had to prove to the world that he had a pair…then, it’s all shock and awe, command and destroy, and suddenly America can’t sell more than a handful of Greatest Hits albums anywhere in the world…all ’cause of that clodhopping, cow-tipping, corn-fed country bumpkin…f*!#?n’ hillbilly.”

Reportedly, the band had considered changing its name to Foreigner in 2006 before quickly realizing that the name was already taken.

In recent years, America has been touring overseas more and more in an effort to boost their lackluster record sales abroad.  In the past year alone the band has hit Australia, Mexico, Canada, Panama, Brazil, and the Dominican Republic.  For now, Beckley says the band is taking time off from touring to spend the holidays with their families.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to Give Special “Visionary” Award to Stevie Wonder

In Entertainment, Humor, Music, News, Satire on October 12, 2010 at 18:46

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced this week that Stevie Wonder will be the recipient of their prestigious “Visionary” Award at induction ceremonies on March 14th, 2011.  “It’s one of our greatest honors,” said Hall of Fame President Terry Stewart.  “Nobody saw the landscape of music and where it was going over the years more than Stevie Wonder.  He is the personification of the word visionary and it is because of his vision that he has had such unmatched staying power in the industry.”

One of Stevie’s biggest and most powerful fans, President Barack Obama, was the first to offer his congratulations.  “Nobody deserves this honor more than Stevie.  When he looks at a piano, he sees things that nobody else can see.”  When reached for comment by Ninja Satire, all Stevie Wonder had to say was, “these cats know I’m blind…right?”

Rock Icon Frank Zappa is Alive, Running for Lt. Gov in Rhode Island

In Entertainment, Humor, Music, News, Political Satire, Politics, Satire on October 11, 2010 at 07:01

Ninja Satire has learned that rock legend Frank Zappa is, in fact, very much alive and running for Leuitanent Governor in the State of Rhode Island.  Until now, Zappa has successfully eluded the mainstream media under the alias Robert J. Healey and has run several failed campaigns for elected office in recent years.  Under his assumed name Zappa formed the Cool Moose Party, of which he is the only member, and has also operated a fairly successful law practice in Rhode Island since his supposed “death.”

Local political experts in Rhode Island agree that the truth about Healey’s identity can only help him in his current campaign.  “Most Rhode Islanders told our pollsters that his scruffy appearance was the number one reason that they chose not to vote for him in the past…” said local political analyst and former Brown University Professor Darrell West.  “…now that voters have the whole picture on who this guy really is, they could be more likely to vote for him.”

Zappa/Healey vows to abolish the office should he be elected.  Zappa fans everywhere can only hope that he will emerge victorious and use the free time to record a new full length album.