Master Kushikimi-San's

NEW POLL: Homeless Want Cash, Not Prayers

In Culture, Economy, Humor, Life, News, Religion, Satire, Tidbits on November 28, 2010 at 11:43

BOSTON, MA — In a new poll conducted by the University of Massachusetts, 85% of homeless people in the greater Boston area seem to prefer loose change over spontaneous prayer circles. One respondent stated, “I know they mean well…but they ain’t turnin’ no water into wine up in here…you catch my drift?  I mean, shiiiiiiit.”

According to an article in the most recent edition of Anthropological Studies and the Homeless Man, a monthly periodical, people seem to be offering the homeless more prayer and less money.  One man was quoted in the article as saying, “pocket change isn’t going to get these bums off the street…the power of Christ is their only salvation from eternal damnation.” 

Ninja Satire took to the streets of Boston to get the homeless perspective on the matter.  In response to the article, one man, who goes by the name “Bam Bam Boogie,” told us, “eternal damnation?  Well ain’t that some shit…”  Another man said, “it was f**kin’ cold out last night…if these suckas wanna help give me that North Face fleece you’re wearin’ and I promise…I’ll say a prayer for you.”  Spontaneous prayer has become so popular of late, one Ninja Satire staff member spotted a homeless woman with a sign around her neck that read, “Sure, I’ll pray with you…so…how about some sacrament?” 

However, of all the people we spoke to, it was a man by the name of “Chill” that said it best; “bottom line, these peoples a nuisance, straight up.  It’s so bad man I just ignore’m.  I just keep sittin’ and pretend they don’t exist.  I guess I’m hopin’ the shit just goes away.  These streets…they used to be a great place to live, but now?  It’s an epidemic man…that’s what it is…a f**kin’ epidemic, they oughta quarantine those mothaf**ckas like in that movie with the monkey where all those people died and shit.  Word.”

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