Master Kushikimi-San's

Boat Captain Forced to Change Vessel’s Name After Multiple Disappearances

In Humor, Military, News, Satire, Science/Technology, Tidbits, Travel on November 26, 2010 at 13:03

NORFOLK, VA — The United States Coast Guard advised Captain Charles Wilson to change the name of his fishing boat after several rescue missions put Coast Guard personnel in unnecessary danger this week.  According to the Coast Guard, Wilson’s vessel, the Abracadabra, disappeared from radar a total of 32 times since its maiden voyage ten days ago. 

“Every time the vessel would make a radio transmission it would seemingly vanish from our radar, only to reappear minutes later,” said Coast Guard Commander Richard Lexington.  “It wasn’t until our after our fifth rescue mission that we were able to analyze the mission data and conclude that it was the ship’s name that was causing the disappearances.”

Commander Lexington told Ninja Satire that the Coast Guard, with full cooperation from Captain Wilson and his crew, ran a series of tests that eventually led to an official recommendation that Captain Wilson change the name of the vessel.  “The tests were extremely helpful,” said Captain Wilson, “it seems I underestimated the power of such a magical word.  I’ve decided to shorten the name to Abra for the time being, until I can make an official name change.”  

Coast Guard rescue crews were dispatched on five separate occasions when the Abracadabra failed to reappear on radar after several minutes.  Lieutenant James Hancock explained to Ninja Satire that his crew would fly over the vessel’s last known coordinates many times and then, suddenly, it would seem to “appear out of nowhere” right in front of their eyes.  “It was pretty spooky sh*t,” said Lieutenant Hancock, adding, “I’m glad we got to the bottom of that one.”

As to why Captain Wilson named his boat Abracadabra in the first place?  According to members of his crew, Captain Wilson is an amateur magician and named the vessel in honor of his favorite hobby.  “Actually, he’s a pretty horrible magician,” said one crew member, “it figures he’d accidentally make his ship disappear.”

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  1. Didn’t anyone learn from the Shazam tragedy?

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