Master Kushikimi-San's

United States Military Looking Forward to Another 364 Days at a Thankless Job

In Culture, Democrats, Family, Holidays, Humor, In The News, Life, Military, News, Political Satire, Politics, Republicans, Satire on November 11, 2010 at 19:58

HEIDELBERG, GERMANY — With Veterans Day drawing to a close, military personnel stationed around the globe are getting ready for another year of working in relative obscurity as Americans refocus their attention to sports, tabloids, and television dance contests.

P.F.C. Marcus James Rodriguez of Tampa, Florida is currently stationed at the Campbell Barracks in Heidelberg, Germany.  In an exclusive interview, he told Ninja Satire that he’d much rather say “you’re welcome” once or twice daily for an entire year as opposed to “2,347 times in one day.”  He continued, “while the nation is caught up in whether or not Bristol Palin is going to win Dancing with the Stars, I’ll be getting ready to deploy to a forward area in Afghanistan to help fight in the War on Terror.  So, you’re welcome America…keep eating that pint of cookie dough ice cream while you watch D-list celebrities trip over their own two feet…it’s why we do what we do.”

Other servicemen from Campbell shared P.F.C. Rodriguez’s sentiments, like Pvt. Tyrone “Ty” Reed who told Ninja Satire, “I’m really glad that Americans can get a day off at work on our holiday.  It’s the least we could do…really.”  Sgt. James Andrews said, “all the thanks we get on Veteran’s Day is great…and really, we appreciate it…so…like…can we come home now or what?”  But it was Pvt. Frank Simmons who put it best when he said, “you know what man, why don’t they just make it National CEO Day…give them the holiday and I’ll take those phat bonuses they get every year…yeeeeeyaaa!”

Another Veterans Day has come and gone and as American’s give thanks to U.S. servicemen and women around the world one thing is for sure; the most sincere form of gratitude might just be a plane ticket home in time for Thanksgiving.  ‘Cause when you get right down to it…like P.F.C. Rodriguez says, “Afghani turkeys taste like sh*t.”

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  1. Man… This one really hits the spot. As a satire it is quite humorous but as a sad commentary on what Veteran’s Day really seems like, this is spot on. Well done Master!

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