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2010 MIDTERM ELECTION ANALYSIS: Strippers, John Boehner’s Tan, and “Bustin’ Heads!”

In 2010 Midterm Elections, Democrats, Economy, Election News, Humor, In The News, News, Political Satire, Politics, Republicans, Satire, Tidbits on November 3, 2010 at 14:05

Strippers Hit the Polls, Propel Sen. Reid to Victory

Adult entertainers from Las Vegas showed up to the polls in large numbers Tuesday to vote for Sen. Harry Reid, helping the embattled Senator win reelection in what was a closely fought battle with Republican Sharon Angle.  One woman known as “Destiny” told Ninja Satire that, “um…yeah…that Republican lady?  She was like, all against alcohol and stuff…and like, that’s just not cool at all…plus, um…you know…all us girls know Harry pretty good…he’s always taken care of us so we thought, you know, like, we’d return the favor and stuff…”

 

As First Act of New Congress, House Republican Leader John Boehner Vows to Repeal Tax on Tanning Salons

Barring some sort of unforeseen scandal, Republican Rep. John Boehner will be the next Speaker of the House of Representatives.  According to Rep. Boehner, his first act as Speaker will be to repeal the ten percent tax levied on tanning salons as part of Obama’s health care package that was passed last year.  Rep. Boehner said, “this is just another attempt by government to take money out of the hands of hard-working Americans with lighter than normal skin complexion,” adding, “if you want a decent tan you’ve got to go almost everyday; that kind of money adds up at the end of the year…well, I mean…that’s what I’ve heard…”

 

After Election Night Victory, Republican Rand Paul tells Supporters, “I’m Gonna Get in There and Bust Some Heads!”

The Senator-elect’s comments were somewhat regrettable considering the episode that took place outside a scheduled debate just last week when supporters of Paul stomped on a woman’s head.  The woman, Lauren Valle of MoveOn.org, showed up at the debate to protest Paul’s cronyism.  Senator-elect Paul later stated, “obviously I was caught up in the thrill of victory, okay, and what I said had nothing to do with what happened to that societal parasite the other night.  It was directed towards the rat bastards in Washington and nobody else.  Now, get lost…all of you…I’m in the Senate now, and I don’t need to stand here and answer these stupid questions.”     

 

 

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  1. It’s good to see the Uumpa Lumpas move up in society. The best they could do 40 years ago was get a bit part in a movie. Now an Uumpa Lumpa can become Speaker of the House.

  2. http://twitpic.com/w9wl5 Was the Poll Dancer Bawney Fwank greasing Harry’s polls?

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