Master Kushikimi-San's

THE NINJA ARCHIVES: New Yorkers Believe UFO Sighting the Return of Gozer the Gozerian (10/14/10)

In Entertainment, Humor, In The News, Movies, News, Pop Culture, Religion, Satire, Science/Technology on October 31, 2010 at 19:12

On June 8th, 1984 the island of Manhattan was rocked by a paranormal event of biblical proportions.  It was at 55 Central Park West that Gozer the Gozerian, a god worshipped around 6000 BC by both the Hitites and the Sumerians, returned in the form of a giant marshmallow man and terrorized the city.  On that day it was four brave men with proton packs that ultimately defeated the beast and saved the city from total destruction.  However, a new flurry of strange activity has many Manhattanites convinced that Gozer is back.

“I looked up and saw these shiny metal orbs in the sky,” said construction worker Ricky Vasquez, “they didn’t appear to be moving…they seemed to float above the city for quite a while.”  When asked what he thought the source of the objects might be, Vasquez’s beliefs were quite clear.  “Looks like the work of Gozer to me.  I think he’s back to finish what he started back in ’84.”

Willie James was on his way back from lunch when he noticed the strange objects in the sky.  “Man, I was buggin’.  I got chills man!  Look at them goosebumps!”  Like Vasquez, James was convinced that Gozer was planning a new attack on the city.  “I don’t think he’s gonna let some white boys with lasers pick the form of the destructor this time…this time he’s gonna come as a flying tarantula or some sh*t and kill everybody.”

For now, authorities believe the objects to be some sort of balloon, but eyewitness Martha Jenkins isn’t buying it; she knows who to blame and she knows who to call.  “We need the Ghostbusters,” said Mrs. Jenkins, “they did it once and they can do it again.”

The Ghostbusters were unreachable for comment.  However, Ninja Satire was able to locate Louis Tully (Tully’s encounters with the paranormal and the Ghostbusters landed him at the New York State Psychiatric Institute ten years ago) who told our reporters, “Sssssh…come here, ssssssh…do you have any sugar cubes or carrots?  My horse LOVES sugar cubes and carrots.”


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