Master Kushikimi-San's

REPORT: More Americans Saving Money by Choosing Trick over Treat this Halloween

In Business, Culture, Economy, Family, Humor, In The News, Life, News, Satire on October 29, 2010 at 18:20

As the economy slowly inches its way out of the recession Americans continue to discover new ways to save money, and if the rumors surrounding the monthly financial reports from major retailers are true, they will be saving boatloads of it on candy this Halloween. 

Rumor has it that stores including Wal-Mart, Target, CVS, and Rite Aid are all reporting a steep decline in candy sales this year.  The reason?  Research indicates that more and more Americans have been taking their chances with being “tricked” as opposed to handing out “treats” on Halloween.  Randy Ford, a staff writer for the Wall Street Journal explains, “people would rather spend their money on gas, cigarettes, and lottery tickets…It’s just that simple.”

Henry Thompson, a real estate agent from Scottsdale, Arizona told Ninja Satire that while he is well aware of the possible consequences associated with refusing candy to trick-or-treating youngsters on Halloween, in his mind, it is well worth the risk.  “Halloween is a holiday that benefits candy stores and dentists…that’s it,” said Thompson. “I’m not going to throw away hard-earned money so some whiny brat in a Harry Potter costume can get all hopped up on sugar and terrorize the neighborhood.”

While it appears that stores are struggling with candy sales an executive from one company indicates that the news might not be as bleak as it seems.  Milton Monroe, a sales executive at Wal-Mart, told Ninja Satire that while candy sales are way down, sales of toilet paper and eggs have almost tripled in the past week, adding, “we are also expecting a sharp increase in window cleaners and trash bags during the first week of November.”

Sixth grade student Dylan R. Beckett from Green Bay, Wisconsin said he has no problem “tricking” those who won’t open their doors this Sunday night.  “Me and my friends have a giant slingshot that can launch water balloons up to 200 feet and my dad showed us how to make a potato gun…it’s gonna be awesome,” said Dylan.  When asked what he was going to be this year, Dylan explained that he and his friend Cody were dressing up together in a sort of joint costume.  “I’m going as a bottle of Vodka and Cody is dressing up like Lindsay Lohan,” Dylan said.

It remains to be seen who will win out this year, the tricksters or their fiscally responsible parents.  However, one thing seems certain either way; Wal-Mart will continue to do just fine.

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  1. I give every trick or treater 1,000 coupons for various things. While they may be too young to enjoy the items the coupons are for, they can redeem the cash value of the coupon (“1/20 of one cent”) and get 50 cents.

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