Master Kushikimi-San's

Homophobic Conservatives Solidly Behind Rangers as World Series Begins

In Baseball, Culture, Democrats, Entertainment, Humor, In The News, News, Political Satire, Politics, Republicans, Satire, Sports, Television on October 27, 2010 at 22:10


As if the political climate in America wasn’t bad enough, it seems that the left and the right have a new issue to quarrel over; which team is going to win the World Series?  As one might expect liberals’ hearts are bleeding for the San Francisco Giants while conservatives are praying with all their might for the Texas Rangers to bring home their first world championship.  However, as far as conservatives are concerned, their disdain for the Giants seems to have less to do with ideology and more to do with homophobia.

Apparently, the right wing’s greatest fear is the possibility of what a victory parade in San Francisco might look like. “If they win, it’s going to be a gay extravaganza,” said Steve Midland, a local radio talk show host in St. Louis, Missouri. “It’s not something I like to think about…but I know I have to prepare myself and my listeners for that possibility.  It makes me want to cry.”

“The Rangers are an American team,” said Walt Wilson, a councilman from Odessa, Texas. “San Francisco is full of he-shes and she-hes and God only knows what else…walkin’ around the streets with no clothes on and the like…its disgusting.  Baseball’s championship belongs here in Texas…it is America’s pastime after all.  Why don’t they just stick to things they are good at like…disco dancing, or musical theater?”

One of our reporters was able to stop by Cuddle’s Cocktails, a well-known gay bar in San Francisco’s financial district, to get some reaction to the various statements made by right-wingers. “Oh please honey, they’re all talk…let them come up in here and say those things, they don’t want a piece of what I got, you can believe me,” said Nitro, a regular at Cuddle’s.  Others at the bar started shouting, “it’s Giants all the way and it don’t matter that we’re gay!” 

Another bar patron had some harsher words, saying, “baby, in our world a ranger is something else all together so if I was them I’d zip my lips.  They’ve got their chaps in a twist because their anti-gay preacher is probably the biggest queen in the entire town…little bitches.” 

While most would imagine people from Texas and San Francisco would be at odds over the fall classic, a nationwide poll conducted by the Gallup organization showed a more realistic picture of exactly how the left and right differ on this issue.  According to the poll, 99.5% of conservatives are rooting for the Rangers, while the liberal vote was split between people rooting for the Giants, and people who, as the poll put it, “couldn’t care less about who wins the stupid thing.”

  1. Damn. Now I’m kind of pissed I rooted against the yankees.

  2. My friend…of all evil, there is no evil, like the yankees

  3. Is it possible for a heterosexual to root for the Giants?

  4. Hmm…I’m not sure…Bud Selig would know…but since he changed cell phone numbers I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.

  5. Well, as I wrote on my blog which you visited, I couldn’t give a Rats Ass about politics when it comes to rooting for my favorite sports team!! I’m a Padres fan and therefore NOT a Giants fan any more than I could be a Dodger fan and I don’t care how flipping awful W was a President I am rooting for his team!! Actually, I’ve been barely able to enjoy the Series thank to all the politics being dragged into it. It’s baseball for cripes sake! A GAME – played by men who used to be little boys dreaming of playing on this stage. Let them play and quite draping the weight of politics on their shoulders.

    • Yes which is why I was satirizing the whole issue in pointing out the ridiculousness of people who try to draw political conclusions from sporting events! Although Ali vs. Fraizer was probably an understandable incarnation of it 🙂

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