Master Kushikimi-San's

BREAKING NEWS: Pigs Fly in Oklahoma

In Agriculture, Humor, News, Religion, Satire, Science/Technology on October 25, 2010 at 16:10

Reports out of Tulsa, Oklahoma are that ten pigs from the Rolling Hills Pig Farm suddenly took off without warning and flew about two miles, landing in an open field behind a local library.  Daniel Jensen was leaving the library with his son when he witnessed the event.  “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Jensen.  “They had wings and everything…they passed right over the top of the library and disappeared into the field on the other side…then my son looked up at me and asked if this meant he could have the monkey he had asked us for last Christmas.”

Mr. Jensen might not be the only one facing this dilemma.  Ninja Satire has received information from around the world of people cashing in on promises made to them under the condition “when pigs fly.”  Harold Wilson of Toronto, Ontario told our reporters that he fully expects his wife to, “do that thing he likes,” from now on.  Roberto Ramirez of Juarez, Mexico told Ninja Satire, “I’m finally going to get that loan from the bank to start my snake wrangling business…I’m gonna head over there first thing in the morning.”

Scientists are baffled by the events out of Oklahoma and have no idea how the little porkers managed such a feat.  “”These pigs fly in the face of everything we know about evolutionary biology,” said Dr. Wilfred Stevenson, a scientist at Oklahoma State University.  “I’m currently trying to convince the owner of the pigs to donate one to the university for research purposes, to prove certain evolutionary theories, but have had no luck thus far.”

Charlie Williams, the owner of the Rolling Hills Pig Farm says quite plainly that he doesn’t care for science.  “I don’t know how they grew them wings…and I don’t really care to be honest with ya…all I know is I’m gonna be filthy rich,” Williams said, adding, “nobody’s layin’ a finger on any one of these pigs.  As far as I’m concerned it’s the work of God and who is anyone to defy God?  These scientists work every day to destroy God, so why in the world would I hand my pigs over to some smart ass college professor?  He’s out of his mind.” 

However, whether or not OSU, or any other university for that matter, gets to study the “Tulsa Ten” (as they are now being referred to) may not be up to Mr. Williams after all.  According to locals, a man by the name of David Glibman offered to buy the pig farm from Mr. Williams back in 1994.  Ninja Satire was able to reach Mr. Glibman by telephone and what he told our reporters was nothing short of astonishing. 

Apparently, Mr. Glibman recorded the conversation he had with Mr. Williams about the sale on a hidden tape recorder.  On the tape, Mr. Williams tells Mr. Glibman, “I’ll tell you what buddy…I’ll sell you my farm when hell freezes over (laughter)…I’ll sell you my farm…when…when those pigs over there take off and fly across town (more laughter).”  Mr. Glibman says he plans to take Mr. Williams to court on the matter and that if he is victorious he will donate some of the pigs to local universities for scientific study.

The big question is how did this happen…did the pigs experience some sort of “instant” evolution, or was it the work of a higher power?  When asked the vast majority of politicians in Washington seemed to agree with the owner of the pig farm.

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  1. I found this funny. 🙂

    I also applaud your creativity! It could almost be a real news article.

  2. I will definitely keep reading! Looking around a little, you have a good sense of humor and the writing ability to back it up. Good job!

    And thank you so much! I appreciate your vote of confidence.

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