Master Kushikimi-San's

Harry Reid Courting Las Vegas Voters with Free Blackjack Insurance

In 2010 Midterm Elections, Democrats, Election News, Gambling, Humor, In The News, News, Political Satire, Politics, Republicans, Satire on October 21, 2010 at 19:51

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is hoping that a landslide in “Sin City” will give him enough votes to stave off Republican Sharon Angle, who in a recent poll was leading the Senator 50% to 47%.  With the election only weeks away Senator Reid has unveiled a new strategy; free insurance at Vegas blackjack tables. 

In a statement obtained by Ninja Satire, Reid says, “blackjack insurance is a money-making scheme orchestrated by the casinos to entice gamblers into protecting their bets while playing against extremely long odds.  It’s time that the people of Las Vegas enjoyed a greater edge against the house.  As your Senator I will introduce legislation that will provide free insurance for all blackjack players.”

Currently, a player may purchase insurance when the dealer is showing an ace.  The player must place half the original bet on the “insurance” line in hopes that the dealer is holding blackjack.  If the dealer holds blackjack, the player earns 2:1 odds on the insurance bet but loses the original bet (breaking even).  If the dealer doesn’t hold blackjack the player loses the insurance bet and must continue with the rest of the hand.  Senator Reid’s plan would give the player the benefit of breaking even without the risk of losing the insurance bet.   

“This could be just what Reid needs to get back in this race,” said CNN senior political analyst Bill Schneider.  “Appealing to the people in the state’s largest city is very smart politics.  How he plans to pay for it is another question all together.”  Reid’s campaign estimates that the measure could cost anywhere between 50 and 100 million dollars.

His opponent argues that the plan would be unfair to the people of Nevada who would be paying for plan with their tax dollars but who might not be gamblers.  “Why should the honest, hard-working people of Nevada give their tax money to aid the gambling addictions of hopeless and godless individuals…not to mention millions of tourists?  This is just another attempt by government to distribute the wealth to a bunch of free-loading card players.”

She continued, “Senator Reid would provide each and every resident of Las Vegas with an autistic version of Dustin Hoffman if he could…he’ll do whatever it takes to win.”  Dustin Hoffman could not be reached for comment but his agent told Ninja Satire that his client was “appalled” and “disgusted” by being associated in any way with Harry Reid.

  1. In other huge handouts, will free-loading blackjack players love Dirty Harry’s Stimulus Package?

    • I think it’s Harry’s package that needs stimulating…and what better place than Vegas eh? I’ve added you to my blogroll moneypenny (with cheesy sean connery impersonation)…don’t tell M…wouldn’t want her to get jealous now…

  2. Ps…you gotta love the look on Pelosi’s face there…looks like she got one more sausage than she bargained for!

  3. Porkulus Pelosi never saw his sausage coming.

    @blogroll: Thank you, and I’ve added you to my blogroll. 🙂

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