Master Kushikimi-San's

Obama Administration Working to Slow Earth’s Rotation

In Barack Obama, Democrats, Humor, News, Political Satire, Politics, Religion, Republicans, Satire, Science/Technology on October 18, 2010 at 17:26


Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced Monday that the Obama Administration is currently working with the nation’s top scientists to figure out a way to slow the Earth’s rotation.  Gibbs told reporters, “the President has a lot of items on his agenda and not enough time to make sure they get done.  This new effort is due in large part to Republican stone-walling in Congress and their unwillingness to compromise on key issues.”

Republicans in Congress, as well as numerous conservative talk-show hosts, have blasted the President on his new initiative.  “This is just another example of this administration playing God,” said Texas Congressman Ron Paul, “if God wants to slow the Earth’s rotation he will do it in His time.”  Radio and TV personality Glenn Beck agreed, saying, “This man has no religion.  This man has no God.  The people need a leader who looks to God in every decision he or she makes.”

Administration officials countered that increasing the number of hours in the day will not only allow the President more time to finish his agenda, but it will also benefit the public at large.  Department of Commerce Secretary Gary Locke stated, “this is a bold new initiative.  People from all parts of our nation will be able to earn more money, sleep more hours, and enjoy more time to spend with their families.  The science is there…the future is now.”

In his weekly radio address to the nation, President Obama said, “today, our lives are busier than ever before.  We are living…in a new age.   Our roads and highways are too crowded.  Our kids don’t have enough time to juggle school, family, and other activities, while their parents find it hard to bring home a decent paycheck at the end of the week.  Information moves…at the click of a button.  Slowing the Earth’s rotation is not the work of science fiction but of a possible and necessary reality, and I will work tirelessly to see it through.”

The last known attempt of this kind was in 1978 when Superman reversed the rotation of the Earth to save reporter Lois Lane’s life.  There is no word on whether or not Superman is working with President Obama’s team of scientists.

  1. I’m helping to slow the earth’s location by acquiring massive quantities of mass into one spot — my person — in the form of donuts, french fries, and twinkies.

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